Lately, the term default parent has become a thing. And that role has mostly fallen on the mother. Why are moms always the default parent? And what does that even mean? Why isn’t the responsibility of being a parent 50/50 when there are two people who created these kids and are building a home?
Moms stays home with the sick kids, makes all of the appointments, knows the name of teachers, attends parent teacher conferences, does the housework, cooking, homework, etc etc. On top of that, many moms also have full-time jobs. She’s basically the main parent who does everything for family and home, while dads do some stuff.
There’s an amazing TedTalk, “Why we have too few women leaders” from 2010 by former Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. This was over 15 years ago, yet her words still apply today.
After all this time, we still don’t have enough women leaders in the world because we have that thing called mom guilt. We tend to stay in the background or sidelines because we need to think about our homes, family responsibilities, and children.
I’m guilty of this as well. I ended BizzyLiddleDee a few years ago because I didn’t make time for my passion. I didn’t have enough support to keep it going while working, raising a child, being pregnant and everything else.
Dads don’t have the same pressures as moms do. And for that to change, it begins with us women. We’re guilty of taking on all the work because it’s just how things have always been or what works. But it’s clearly not if you’re overstimulated, tired all the time, and have no time for yourself. Yet dad has time to go to breweries with the boys, play xbox for hours, and have a solid 8 hours of sleep.
If both parents work full-time, then there needs to be an equal partnership. Split the household chores and child responsibilities 50/50. He is not the only provider in the family and he is more than capable of taking kids to doctors appointments as well.
Society has truly done us a disservice and now we’re going to train our men to help!
Make your partner a real partner.
Sheryl Sandberg, 2010
Think about the major things you have trouble doing or keeping up with and ENFORCE him to take on the burden. Because whether you want to admit it or not, all of this work is major burden on our well-being and sanity.
Girl dads, learn to do hair. Don’t be intimidated to wash your daughter’s hair. Become a pro in washing, detangling, drying, and styling.
Boy dads, don’t just take your sons to sports practice but help them with homework and manners. Teach them to be little men early on.
Now, I’m shitting on the dads a lot here. Comes from personal feelings. But the default parent could be dad in some cases. The moms need to pull their weight as well. This is an equal 50/50 for both sides. Shouldn’t be swayed more to one parent over the other.
Time for a change and it should begin now!
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