It’s not easy having daughters. They’re expensive, dramatic, and all around divas. There are so many outside influences that can impact how they see the world, like school, television, and friends at school. As parents, it our jobs to teach them how to be strong little women and have their own minds. But its scary as fuck. Where do you start? How do you raise strong daughters in the world we live in?
You always hear about dads freaking out when they learn they’re having a girl. Visualize the worse and what are they going to do to protect their little girls. But there’s pressure for the moms too. We’re the ones that have to prepare them for the hard future of continued inequality, double standards, and more. As mothers, we want to raise our daughters to be independent, strong, and to be a fuckin’ force of nature.
But let’s be honest, its hard. What do you do when you’re a basket case yourself? Because you are the example. They learn from what you do and don’t do. And they’re a reflection on you because of this.
Also doesn’t help when they’re daddy’s girls. Dad is such a softee and spoils them. Throwing a monkey wrench in any progress you may make to make them decent human beings.
So here are 5 tips:
- Get dad in line. You guys are partners and should be in sync with your parenting. If he can’t man up when it comes to his baby girls, then there’s a major problem because he’ll throw a monkey wrench in all of your progress. You can’t leave it up to him or even leave him unsupervised but then you’ll have spoiled daughters and a strong chance they’ll be weak and struggle. Straight facts.
- Let them be adventurous! Don’t hold them back from trying things. If they fall or fail, let it happen. This will give them opportunities to be scared and brave, and overcome fears. We want warriors who can survive everything they may encounter. Here’s a great TedTalk with adventurer Caroline Paul saying this same exact thing.
- Don’t have stereotypes at home. They should see mom fixing things around the house and using a drill and other tools. Dad should also do laundry, cook, and clean. There shouldn’t be things that only mom or only dad do. Don’t let them grow up thinking they are incapable of doing something or that they need a man to fix something for them.
- Allow them to age at their own pace. Unfortunately, there will come a time that the princess phase must end. This one hurts me because my girls are Disney princesses. But it will slowly fade away where cartoons and dolls won’t be around anymore. It’ll be shows with real-life problems and makeup. When this happens, don’t hold them back just accept it.
- Introduce rejection by saying no. They have to learn to deal with disappointment and rejection from an early age. It’s really messed up to think about but we need to let that thick skin grow with us so they don’t struggle too much later on. So be prepared for tears, tantrums, and screaming.
- Teach them to say no. The worse thing that can happen is they feel obligated to everything they are asked. They don’t want to do something, then don’t force it. Within reason of course. You’re still the boss and they have to do what you say. But show them that their feelings matter. They can’t live with that fear. Have conversations with them where you ask questions and ask for their opinions. Let them know that they can be honest and have the power to say no. Coming straight from Katherine Olsen:
No is a full sentence.
Now, none of this is easy. But we owe it to our daughters to teach them and prepare them for life. It’s not all fairytales, cupcakes, and rainbows. It’s our jobs to show them love but also how to be strong, brave, independent, and tough. We need to leave this world confident that we did our jobs right, and they’ll be able to handle anything.
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